10 Important tell-tale signs of gaslighting are:
1. Gaslighters tell flat-out lies
You know it’s a complete lie. But they convey it to you with such strong conviction.
The goal of lying to you is to make you doubt your experiences and feelings, they want you to become unsure about if it’s true or false. That’s exactly the purpose of gaslighting; to keep you in a constant state of confusion.
2. They deny that they said anything at all
You’re sure they said you were stupid. You heard them say it! But they keep denying it. This makes you doubt your own reality. Maybe they didn’t say it after all… or did they?
The more they do this, the more you shift from your sense of reality to theirs.
3. They use what you care about as ammunition
They know how important your children or your friends are to you and how important your identity is to you. So these could be the first things they attack.
If you have children, they will tell you that you are not a good father/mother or that they are learning the wrong things.
They tell you that you would be a really pleasant person if you didn’t have such a long list of bad character traits. They come for the basis of your identity.
4. They destroy you over time
This is one of the dangerous things about gaslighting. It happens gradually!
A little lie here, a little lie there, a painful remark every once in a while…and it starts to build up.
Even the most clever, self-aware people can fall victim to gaslighting.
5. Their actions do not match their words
When you’re dealing with someone who is gaslighting, pay attention to what they’re doing instead of what they’re saying.
What they say doesn’t mean anything, it’s just words. What they do, that’s the most important thing.
6. They tell you something nice every now and then, to confuse things even more
The person who brings you down suddenly tells you that you did something right.
This stirs up a lot of confusion in you. And contributes to a feeling of unease and discomfort.
You start thinking maybe they are not as bad as you thought.
This is a calculated attempt to upset you. Notice what you’re getting praise for. It’s most likely something the gaslighter benefits from.
7: They know that confusion makes people weak
Gaslighters know that people like to have a sense of stability and routine.
Their goal is to eradicate this and make you continuously wonder about everything.
And the natural tendency of a human being is to look at the person who can give you stability. Which happens to be the gaslighter at that moment.
8. They try to turn people against you
Gaslighters are masters at manipulating and finding people who support them. They will turn others against you.
They make remarks like: “Even Adriana thinks you’re not doing a good job” or “Josh also knows you’re cheating”.
Remember that the people probably never said that! A gaslighter is a pathological, ruthless liar.
Such tactics make you unable to trust other’s anymore, so you more likely than not end up with the gaslighter for stability. And that’s exactly what they want. Isolation gives them even more power.
9. They tell you or others that you are crazy
This is one of the most effective means of a gaslighter.
He knows that if your mental health is questioned long enough, people won’t believe you when you tell them what he does or says.
10. They tell you that everyone is a liar
By telling you that everyone (your family, your friends, the media, doctors) is a liar, you get even more confused.
What is actually true? Should you believe the one you’re in love with or not?
The sooner you’re aware of these techniques, the sooner you can recognize them and escape.
It’s possible to recognize if you’re being gaslighted using the characteristics explained on the previous page, hower, you can also recognize gaslighting by personal symptoms you experience.
– no longer feel like the person you used to be
– are more likely to be anxious, nervous or unconfident
– often ponder if you’re too sensitive
– feel like everything you’re doing is wrong
– always think it’s your fault when something goes wrong
– apologize excessively
– have a gut feeling something’s wrong, but you don’t know exactly what
– often ask yourself whether your reaction to your partner is appropriate (for example, whether you are too irrational or not loving enough).
– tend to apologize for your partner’s behavior
– don’t tell your friends or family in too much detail about your partner because you can’t handle confrontation.
– feel isolated from your friends and family
– You’re finding it increasingly difficult to make decisions
– You feel hopeless and you don’t enjoy the things you used to enjoy
For more info on psychology and psychiatry we recommend the American Psychiatric Association (APA), visit them here!
We wish you the best!